Since it is February, I figured I would talk about Love. Not the sappy stuff though, I'm talking about the hard stuff. The believe in yourself, stand up for yourself, find your worth kind of love. Can you say that you truly love yourself? Do you find value in who you are and what you bring to the table? You don't have to be perfect to love yourself, heck, some of what makes you the most special are your cracks and wrinkles, your soft spots and your ability to feel things. Being shown love by others can be a wonderful thing, but nobody knows what you need better than you. If you are in a relationship, and you want to feel loved by the other person, you have to speak up and let them know what you need in that relationship to feel loved. If you are not in a relationship, then do things for yourself that make you happy. Actually, even if you are in a relationship, do things for yourself that make you happy. Your happiness does not come from what another person does or doesn't do. It comes from finding joy in the moments.
Jon and I are completely different people. What makes him feel loved and what makes me feel loved are so polar opposite that sometimes giving each other a gift that we know the other one wants actually feels wrong. It feels so opposite of what we believe should make the other one happy. So we have to step outside of our comfort zone and give to the other person based on what they want and need. I just want to come home to a clean house and a meal already made and sit down and watch a show or read a book. He wants to go out and have fun and laugh and be with people and he wants me to show him affection. So we have to work harder to keep our relationship on where we each feel loved and sometimes he has to make a plan to do something that I would be too chicken to try, and once I'm out, we both end up having a great time and he feels good because I tried and stepped out of my comfort zone for him.
I've struggled for years with a fear of being alone. It has been completely paralyzing to me at times to cope with not having friends or loved ones around me, which is strange considering I enjoy reading and quiet time alone. So I do get it when people feel desperate and unable to let go when a relationship ends. I've watched in amazement when people around me are strong enough to walk away from unhealthy relationships. I can't even begin to comprehend how they can take those steps. So I have been nosy and asked them straight out how they can walk away from a person and know that they will never hold them or be close to them again. They all basically say the same things, they couldn't live anymore being unhappy, they were tired of settling, they wanted to feel loved, they wanted to feel alive again. I want those things too, but I'm not willing to walk away from my marriage to get them so a year ago I dug my heels in and decided to make my marriage a place of love and happiness for both of us.
Recently one of my kiddos told me that her ex was threatening to commit suicide, I knew that he was hurting and I also knew that we didn't have the skills to help him. He had discovered that even though he had ended their relationship, he wasn't prepared to find out she had happily moved on a month or so later with someone else. We called 911 and the police picked him up and we didn't hear anything else. We advised her not to contact him anymore or to allow him to contact her and we let her therapist know so that she can work through how this makes her feel. This month, many people, young and old will feel that desperate feeling as they spend Valentine's Day alone or see their ex on a date with someone else. I have this to say to you, if that is you...I challenge you to find happiness in yourself and to LOVE YOU. Reach out to someone who can help you get through these feelings. Don't make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. Life really does get better and worse and better and worse, it's a roller coaster, but we have to find the good things in it and hold on to those to get us through the scary parts.
Take time each week to do something today that makes you feel happy and find something that you like about yourself and tell yourself about it. One thing Matti Vann of http://hemosunite.com/ and http://manyminimods.com/ told me was to take a 20 minute walk outside where you can only think good things about yourself. I was really surprised how quickly that turned my day around. Do not let any critical thoughts about yourself in during this walk. Try it. Fall in love with you, if you want to have a good relationship with anyone, you have to have something good to bring to the table, so be the type of person who you want to be with, be happy. Do something fun for yourself, go to a movie, buy yourself a favorite treat or a longed for item, within your budget of course. Don't be let the commercialism of the holiday steal your peace and joy. So many times I have allowed myself to be hurt just because the person I was with didn't do what I thought they should have done on a certain day. If it had been any other day of the week, it would have been a perfectly good day just the way it was. Enjoy life! Love you. XOXO
If you are feeling suicidal, please seek help. Call 911 or The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or check out their website at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
